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Mark Schweickart
Tim,
As usual with your take on things, one is challenged to wade around in the weeds a bit before realizing, "Hey, these aren't weeds after all, these are stems of a thoughtful critique, and it really isn't about Frank Ganley's porno collection."
To your points -- you are right that there is a continuity problem with the shoulder strap. You probably noticed this more than most because you were hoping this was indeed going to turn into "Debbie Does Dallas," and in your mind, no doubt, her clothes were about to come off. Sorry to disappoint you on this.
I am also sorry you did not like Jerry's (or as you would call him,Dallas's) singing. I have to disagree with you on this point, because I was very pleased with his performance, but then again not everyone can sing through their nose with that Neil Young nasal whine that you might prefer. Or maybe I am being unfair here. I guess it was the rhyming of "matches, hatches, catch is" that you said did not measure up to Neil Young's standards. For this I have to take the critcism directly, since the lyrics are mine, not the performer's. And so I will take the comment as an honest critique, and file it away under "one man's sense of charm is another man's gag-inducing reflex," and let it go at that.
On a more serious note, here is my comment about why I introduced the suicide theme, which was a very dangerous thing to do when it comes to making something for short-film competitions since it is a much over-used trope in short films. There were two reasons, one less defensible than the other. The less-defensible one is that this film was taken from a larger screenplay where this theme is more fully explored. When our couple moves to L.A, they encounter a Vietnam Vet who, although he would quite deny it, is obviously feeling survival guilt and PTSD. The story then becomes a triangle love story, with Maxx falling into this person's darker orbit. This allows her character to grow, in that she, who was used to being the unpredictable, unstable person in need of saving, becomes the steadier force in her attempts to save this other person from himself. A character-arc, if you will. As I said, this is the less than defensible explanation for the short film, since we don't know anything about this bigger story. Nonetheless, it was important for her to have this preoccupation in her background. It was alos important for Maxx and Jerry to arrive in L.A., not as dewy-eyed innocents just off the boat, but rather as a couple who are carrying a lot of emotonal baggage in their relationship.
The more defensible position for the short film is that I wanted to saying something about suicide that I thought is rarely expressed, and that is her response to Jerry that "Problems are never the problem." What first comes to mind for people, who have never been troubled by this dark impulse, is "What's the problem?" What she goes on to articulate is the idea that depression does not work like that. It rarely has a pin-pointable source. What was Robin William's problem? What was Sylvia Plath's problem? I thought this was an interesting point to make about an often misunderstood aspect of depression, and that it would give Maxx's character a fuller range of emotions to explore. As Jerry says in the opening scene--"When you are not swinging from the rafters you are snow-balling towards oblivion."
Well enough of this me-being-defensive. Anyway, Tim, thanks for the the honest critique about things that bothered you, and for the kind words at the end of your comment. And thanks for being the word-smith that you are. Your comments are always a joy to wiggle through.
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Janie
