Mark Schweickart
Uh, oh, party at Jeanine's house! Some of you know what that means. It was not for nothing that Miss Jeanine earned the sobriquet "hostess witht he mostest," now was it? As I recall it was senior year, and Miss Jeanine threw a party with her parents out of town. Is this coming back to you yet? Anyone rememeber Tim LaVelle and his posse dropping by for a short while, before deigning it below his standards of acceptable partydom, and blowing on out? Too bad he left so early, because the party began to heat up. I won't say that there was alcohol involved or that there was a certain amount of making out (is this phrase still in our vocabulary?) going on among some of the attendees that night. I won't say that, but there might have been. Well, in my opinion it was turning into a fine party indeed, and since several of us had lied to our parents about where we were going to be spending the night, who knew where this innocent debauchery might lead? (Grammer-boy McLeod, do I get extra points for creating an oxymoron in that last sentence?) Anyway, as I was saying, things were progressing nicely, in my opinion, when late in the evening Sheriff Lavelle and his posse suddenly stormed back in, took one look around, and, holy firecrackers, Andy, he did not the like the direction this party had taken without him. He reared up on his morally superior high-horse, and plunged into the fray as if he were Moses descending the mountain with his new commandments in hand only to be horrified at the sight of us worshipping our false gods in his absence. Does "making out" count as worshipping a false god? Who knows, but to Tim it certainly did. Cracking his metaphorical whip, he shouted "Upstairs, you Jezebels!" as he proceeded to separate the wanton harlots from the lecherous males, "And stay up there!" And with that, all ardor cooled, all reputations saved, all prurience abated, and most of all, all minds completely boggled as to what had caused our ever-fun-loving Tim to change into Papa-G smiting the poor souls of Sodom and Gomorrah. I guess that is what can happen if a party happens without him.
The morale of this story, Jeanine, is: be careful about who you invite to come stay with you. John Brown, with white beard flying and eyes ablaze, might come busting through your door. And all you will be able to say, is "Oh, hi Tim."
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