|
David Mitchell
Breaking News...............Green Beans to Oysters.
(read it here before it is handed over to the "Post" or the "Times")
Just days ago, here in Bluffton, workers at our nearby Bluffton Oyster Company dock discovered a bucket of oysters, that had been left sitting around on their docks on the May River, that apparantly contained some secretly coded notes and writings on the shells. A couple of the local "Bluffton Oyster Compnay's" little old Black lady employees - in their long rubber oyster-shucking aprons, high rubber boots, and heavy rubber gloves, turned this partuclular bucket of oysters over to a local FBI office. They allegeded that this bucket had been brought in by another oysterman, who apparantly forgot to come back to get his bucket, and they had been sitting around the dock, rotting and giving off a foul rotten smell.
In other words, "something smelled fishy".
Early indications are that the oyster shells contain information alledging that one David Mitchell, a long time memeber of the "OLP Boiz" had, on his first ever "overnight", stayed at the home of another of same OLP Boiz - one Thomas Aquinas Litzinger - who it has been corraborated, lived in a house at 256 East Schreyer Place, in Columbus, Ohio during the 1950s, 60's, and beyond.
The evidence would suggest that this same David Mitchell was a spoiled pill of a kid and didn't ever have to eat anythng he did not like, and that his mother alledgedly, spoiled him rotten.
The information goes on to say that during this one evening, when these two (3rd or 4th grade?) "OLP Boiz" were called in from the backyard, to join the family of 8 (one Mr. Tom Sr., one (watchful-eyed) Mrs. Kay, one Mary Ruth, one Anne (gorgeous Anne!), one Billy, one Johnny, one Danny, and the other named subject, the aforesaid Thomas (jr.) for dinner, that a meal was served that was the first time said "Mitchell" ever had to eat ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,another mother's cooking!!!
The documents alledge that when the subject (Mitchell), saw what was on his plate, he fell into a state of panic and nearly fainted - a trait he had perfected while serving on the altar during early morning weekday Mass located at the nearby "headuarters" of this OLP Boiz gang.
In an attempt to placate the mother/cook, Mitchell attempted to use his fork to swirl some of the food around on his plate, hoping it would look to be at least, well,,, partially eaten.
But there remained one major problem - green beans! As anyone who knows anything knows, one doesn't simply "swirl" green beans.
The de-coded oyster shells seem to indicate that Mitchell sat at the table with his back to a curtain which was drawn across the bay window behind him, a window with a broad shelf and several decorative ceramic trays (one, a fancy large ash tray) resting on the window shelf. And that Mitchell actually made several long "stretching" reaches to place handfulls of the green beans into the ash tray - which lay behind the curtain and were therefore out of sight from the family members.
In the last few days since the disocovery of the oyster bucket in question, Fedearl Agents have located and questioned other menbers of this same "OLP Boiz" network. They traced another address only one block down the same street to another member of the "OLP Boiz" group, one John Jackson. When asked if he (Jackson) knew anything about Mitchell's behaviour as it relates to such activites, he replied, "Well, I knew both of them, but Mitchell was never allowed into our kitchen or our dinning room. He was only granted access to our basement where we used to practice the ancient right of Philatelics. Seeing as how none of the Federal agents were over 50, they had no idea what Philatelics, or Philately was, so their questioning ended there.
Mitchell continues to maintain that he was innocent, claiming, "You can't prove anything. Nobody saw me do it."
(or did they?)
The FBI is currently weighing the fact that even if they could locate the batch of green beans, they would have rotted into carbon dust by now, and the foul smell would not outweigh the smell of the bucket of oysters.
(Bluffton Oyster Company - the last of it's kind on the May River. The shrimp boat is named "Daddy's Girls")
|
